NEWS FLASH! JULIAN SCORES!!

JULIAN SCORES A GLORIOUS GOAL!
The game was no less a fixture than the ANU DERBY!
Having taken home only a point from this season's opening game, we were determined to get the maximum points today. Apart from the honor and glory of winning the Derby, only 3 points would ensure us a chance of overhauling Radford Maroon for the League Winners medal this year.
 
The game was played in utterly freezing cold conditions, and the soccer gods in their ignomy, were determined to set the elements against us, as it soon began raining to boot. But we, the Mighty Jaffas, adapted to the miserable weather far quicker than our opponents, and showed truly, that our mid-season stumble is far behind us.
 
Dan opened the scoring early, left footed in to the far corner of the net. Our attacking play was rewarded with several close run shots, but the score at the break was 1-0. We were playing far better, and the Blues were unable to conjure anything more substantial than long range efforts.
The second half continued our dominance, although the game was still tight. Mike remarked that we might have to settle for the single goal. How wrong he was.
 
It takes a great player, in a great game, to step up to the plate and be counted. To do ... great things. To score.... great goals. I .... was that player.
 
In a moment of confusion, a scrambled pass found its way to Kaho. With only Sash to pass to, the ball fell behind him, but there I came... steaming out of the midfield like some possessed beast. Launching myself onto the ball, my first touch carried me beyond both their shallow defenders. The second touch, at lightning speed, brought me onto the edge of the area.  A third touch, carried the ball gently into striking distance. And the fourth touch. With power, poise, and unerring accuracy, the ball arrowed toward the goal. The keeper, blinded by the flash of energy, dove valiantly, but in vain, only scraping the fold of the leather as it careened past his fingertips and billowing the back of the Blue's net.
 
It was the killer blow, and Gov soon made the rout complete with a close range shot to make the 3-0 drubbing complete. Although the Blues pressed hard for a consolation in the dying minutes, the game was won, the victory taken, the spoils celebrated, scorers praised, and an alcohol fueled euphoria waiting to take hold and linger.
 
After 2 seasons of building and consolidation, nothing short of silverware will mark the fulfillment of the potential this team possesses, and anything less will be a cruel stain on every Jaffa.

Crap Music, Gof and Luke

Ahriman: "Also I have been introduced by Gof to the wonderful world of anal penetration. The rhythmic visceral tearing accurately matches the damage being done to my ears by this crap music... Yes... I'm talking the Velvet fucking Underground"
 
Be warned!
Crap music spreads. Sure, you think it's a big joke. Maybe your bored, maybe your depressed, so you throw on one of Dad's old records... What harm can it do?
BIG MISTAKE.
Don't throw your life away to shit music. Floyd, Zeplin, you know what shit I'm talking about.
How about the more mainstream stuff from the Eagles, or the Doors you ask?
These 'soft'-shit musos are what are known as  "Gate-way-shit music". Soon you'll be puffing dicks to the rancid croonings of the Velvets like poor Luke here.
 
How can I get off it?
If you've only just started listening, and I mean in the last 38 seconds, there is still hope for you.
Take all your crap old music, and put it in a large metal drum.
Then burn it.
Then weld the lid back on the drum, and toss the drum in a trash compactor.
Then take the compressed pellet of metal and plastic and throw it in an iron ore smelter.
Just like the T2000, it will begin to wail and change forms violently, spewing hideous music at you in the process... Be brave... You are on the way to recovery.
 
Next head to your nearest music store in the closest mall filled with teenagers.  On the way there, listen only to Top 30 repeat Pop stations. NO AM. Tear off the knob on your car stereo that switches back to the geriatric-modulation band.
Proceed to purchase the single, album and music DVD of all the artists in the top 10 who are solo artists, young and gorgeous. Also buy any compilations whose covers are adorned with pictures of above top 10 solo artists. Take some posters too, and preorder the soon to be released album of any artist or group of artists aged under 15, and/or are on the Disney label.
Rapidly ingest all of the above audible material. Press shuffle on your player, and listen to only the first 10-15 seconds of each song, over and over again. Go home and watch MTV.
 
A daily diet of pop and music videos, say about 5 hours per day for beginners, will quickly erode your attention span to that of today's cool teenager, and the soulful ranting of aging hippies, most of whom are dead, crap, and/or impotent will soon be a distant painful memory.
Good luck citizen.
Remember, there is a way back from shit music.

Dogs: The Best Food!

Everyone gets hungry. And if you're gonna eat it may as well taste good right?
Well if you're gonna kill something, why not make it something annoying - like a dog.
They smell, bark, bite and are stupid as all of America.

The only acceptable reasons for owning a Dog are:
a) the owner is ignorant of the existence of Cats, or
b) the owner is preparing the pup for slaughter and consumption.

Here are some of my favorite websites:
When planning that big dinner party for your boss visit,
* Cuisine of Dog Meat
Stuck for a good book?
* The Cold Dog - "Dog meat is low in fat, and easy to digest"
Perhaps an historical perspective,
* Dog - The Congo Cookbook - "Some missionaries have tasted puppy stew -- perhaps puppy pie -- and have pronounced the flesh to be sweet, glutinous, and palatable."

And the quintessential reference point,
* Delicious Dogs.com - "Because, let's face it, dogs are GOOD FOOD!"

My personal favorites are, the Cheli Dog! while waterskiing and a good ole' Bella Roast! with a group of burly men.




Bon appetite!

Your Health - with Dr. Shisha

Some of our readers have already experienced significant digestive disturbance since reading the sTok bLog! We've enlisted Cambridge Graduate SHISHA Wong, to provide some proffesional advice on the matter.

Peristalsis is a distinctive pattern of smooth muscle contractions
that propels foodstuffs distally through the esophagus and intestines.

STOK's humour is what is known as "RAW" humour, and in concentrated form can severely disrupt this mechanism.

The resulting eruption can be three to four times the power of a sneeze, resulting in faeces projection in excess of 64 km/h. Tearing of the rectal sphincter is the primary source of blood loss.

WARNING!

BE WARNED!The side splitting funny shit you are about to endure may cause involuntary bowl spasms and rectal bleeding. If symptoms endure, please, see your doctor.


You have arrived at the sTok bLog! This is a humourous website, initially designed to belittle and humilate LUKE. Most material here will be in direct retaliation and in degredation of posts on his own BLOG! If you don't understand a joke check the corresponding log over there. If anything here is is too racist, inflamatory or otherwise insulting and offensive to you... I think you are a Jew.*

*The above is an example of the humour this site is dedicated to.

No. I am not anti-semitic.

It's those blacks I can't stand.**

** That was also a joke.... alright i'll stop now.