Crap Music, Gof and Luke

Ahriman: "Also I have been introduced by Gof to the wonderful world of anal penetration. The rhythmic visceral tearing accurately matches the damage being done to my ears by this crap music... Yes... I'm talking the Velvet fucking Underground"
 
Be warned!
Crap music spreads. Sure, you think it's a big joke. Maybe your bored, maybe your depressed, so you throw on one of Dad's old records... What harm can it do?
BIG MISTAKE.
Don't throw your life away to shit music. Floyd, Zeplin, you know what shit I'm talking about.
How about the more mainstream stuff from the Eagles, or the Doors you ask?
These 'soft'-shit musos are what are known as  "Gate-way-shit music". Soon you'll be puffing dicks to the rancid croonings of the Velvets like poor Luke here.
 
How can I get off it?
If you've only just started listening, and I mean in the last 38 seconds, there is still hope for you.
Take all your crap old music, and put it in a large metal drum.
Then burn it.
Then weld the lid back on the drum, and toss the drum in a trash compactor.
Then take the compressed pellet of metal and plastic and throw it in an iron ore smelter.
Just like the T2000, it will begin to wail and change forms violently, spewing hideous music at you in the process... Be brave... You are on the way to recovery.
 
Next head to your nearest music store in the closest mall filled with teenagers.  On the way there, listen only to Top 30 repeat Pop stations. NO AM. Tear off the knob on your car stereo that switches back to the geriatric-modulation band.
Proceed to purchase the single, album and music DVD of all the artists in the top 10 who are solo artists, young and gorgeous. Also buy any compilations whose covers are adorned with pictures of above top 10 solo artists. Take some posters too, and preorder the soon to be released album of any artist or group of artists aged under 15, and/or are on the Disney label.
Rapidly ingest all of the above audible material. Press shuffle on your player, and listen to only the first 10-15 seconds of each song, over and over again. Go home and watch MTV.
 
A daily diet of pop and music videos, say about 5 hours per day for beginners, will quickly erode your attention span to that of today's cool teenager, and the soulful ranting of aging hippies, most of whom are dead, crap, and/or impotent will soon be a distant painful memory.
Good luck citizen.
Remember, there is a way back from shit music.